i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
