kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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