My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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