It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
