Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
