dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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