i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
