I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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