Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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