And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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