Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize