Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
