No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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