At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
