First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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