Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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