U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
