you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
