Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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