the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
