In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
