I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize