____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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