Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
