The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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