Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
