before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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