I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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