my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
