I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
