im six kinds of drunk right now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
