So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
we're so committed to being not committed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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