you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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