I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
