You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize