2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
