I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
