is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
