That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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