Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We are all done wearing pants today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
