i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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