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• (941): View more from Florida

  i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket

  (212): View more from New York

  Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......

  (212): View more from New York

  Really

  (941): View more from Florida

  You win

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• (386): View more from Florida

  I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...

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• (845): View more from New York

  i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...

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• (661): View more from California

  Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  next time we drink: battle shots.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can't feel body but making pizza rolls

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.

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• (718): View more from New York

  Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis

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