All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
