It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
