party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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