Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
