4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
