I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
