were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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