trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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