Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
