We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize