Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize