if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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