I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
