I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
