i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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