so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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