Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
worst night to have a conscience
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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