you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
