i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
