Define "chronic" masturbator.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I met the friendliest cop last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize