I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
