You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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