Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
barbara walters just said penis...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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