Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
