He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
