The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
