Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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