It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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