I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
