If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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