dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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