I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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