We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
