This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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