Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
