how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
